i copied this over from the Harrison Hudson Caring Bridges site because it just needs to be in other places, and I want to share it myself. Hope you are all well.
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WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2011 4:58 PM, CDT
And funnier one day later…..
Today I woke up like nothing had happened. Like I could breath again! So crazy. So my newest question is, “Will I feel that way every year? Will there be an intense heaviness that suffocates me for 2 days every year?” Only time will answer that so I’m not going to dwell on it.
It was really interesting though, the way I felt. I went about life, my duties, my responsibilites but throughout my whole body it took everything I had not to completely crumble. I haven’t had that feeling since the week that Harrison died. It’s good to know I don’t feel like that all the time, thank goodness!!!!
As for the celebration itself, it was nice. Jess bought me sunflowers the day before to brighten my day and then two dear dear friends, Amy and Wendy, both had bouquets delivered to the house. It was such a beautiful surprise to receive flowers, I hadn’t even thought about it! I took a few flowers from each of the 3 bouquets and made Harrison a bouquet. Matt and I went to his “wall” to “visit” him. We sat in complete silence for about 45 minutes. I have no idea what Matt was thinking. I laid on the cool ground, felt the beautiful breeze and just cried. Cried because I am so tired. I am so so so tired! This has been the longest year EVER!
We swung by Home Depot on the way home and picked out a lemon tree. We went home and had a food fest with the family (hoooray Jess and Zachary were still here and Steph and Michael waited to leave for their honeymoon until after), the Sm**** (Curtis’ mom too), the Ti*****’s (Tanil’s mom too) and my cousin Michelle, Max and Josh. Our sweet neighbor Rachel came over too.
After dinner we had our “tree dedication ceremony.” I hope this isn’t too much information because I am going to share it because it is really beautiful and special…..we have had Maxwell’s foreskin in the freezer for almost 4 years now. The Mohel that performed Maxwell’s circ told us you plant the skin under a fruit tree so the child grows with the tree. Beautiful, right!?!? Yes, if you actually plant it. We never knew if we should do it at the house as Matt always said we would move one day.,….blah blah blah. So, it stayed wrapped up in our freezer and remained there even while Michael and Steph have lived there. Michael even made a joke this weekend about putting their wedding cake in the freezer with the foreskin…hahahhaha
Anyway, back to the story. So 11 months after Maxwell was born our nearest and dearest Tosh Ti***** was born. Well, we decided since we were neighbors the boys skin (Trey and Tanil forgive me for sharing all of this) would be planted in fruit trees side by side. Well, a year later they still were in our freezers and we left for Texas. So, basically none of us have known what to do and we have been in a stand still with foreskin in our freezers (I’m cracking up right now, please don’t think we are disgusting!)
Last night, we finally had our amazing special and perfect reason to plant both Maxwell and Tosh’s skin with Harrison’s hair under the tree. We all helped, including the kids, push the soil back around the tree. A few candles were burning around the tree as we did this and pulled chairs up like a bonefire. It was beautiful. I have a photo to post, but I’m typing on my parents computer so I will have to post it from home later. Bottom line, it was really special and the little tree is so beautiful.
Thank you to all for the amazing and undying support the last year. I mean it when I say we wouldn’t be who we are without the love and support we are constantly surrounded by. The messages, the emails, the flowers, the voicemails all carried me through the day yesterday. Even if we didn’t get to talk. Lynday and Sarah Bess, both of your messages were so heartfelt and beautiful, I will cherish them forever.
So now we move into phase 2…..get through the death date and then we have officially made it through all of our firsts in this journey. I’m glad, as I said before, that Steph and Michael’s wedding carried us through the week leading up to Harrison’s birthday. I’m glad that Jessica and Zachary’s wedding will be our “look forward to” after Harrison’s death date.
Thanks for staying by our sides, please don’t go away!
Huge love and gratitude!
Melissa
